Faith Over Fear

“When you come out of a storm you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about." - Haruki Murakami

Full transparency? I have been on the ropes lately. And I've been really afraid.

As some of you already know, I had a rather substantial surgery a couple of weeks ago (all is well and will be even better in the future). I wish I could say that I've been handling everything more gracefully. I wish I could say that I've been the epitome of patience and trust - that through it all I've been radiant and resilient and calm and centered.

But the truth is that the overwhelming feeling I've been encompassed in is fear.

Deep into my bones completely enveloped in fear.

Fear that something will go wrong...or that something is going wrong...or that I'm doing something that will make things start to go wrong...or that I'm doing too much...or that I'm not doing enough...or that things are healing or not healing and so on and so on and so on.

It's some seriously twisted thinking and some seriously toxic feeling and...it's also just the honest-to-goodness truth.

But (thank goodness for silver linings!) watching myself completely spiral (let's not sugarcoat it) has been so revealing in so many fascinating ways - like the blast of a spotlight on blind spots in my growth that I have been papering over or skirting around or just flat out ignoring. What an incredible blessing it is to finally open your eyes to the whole picture of yourself, messy and marvelous as it may be.

So I've gotten clear on some seriously good, deep, and really hard work to do. And that is such a nourishing gift.

And for right now? I'll leave you with some remembrances that bring me comfort in the hope that maybe they could do the same for you in times you might need...

Remember how far you've come. Remember the obstacles you've overcome. Remember the battles you've faced and won. Remember the times you felt you couldn't keep going and then found the courage to take the next step forward.

You can do this - whatever fear or doubt or challenge it is that you are facing - you are strong enough. You always have been.

"Take a deep breath. You will be fine. Where you are meant to be, you will be in time." - Morgan Harper Nichols